too bad you live with your parents still
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
