dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
