We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
