the new term for farting is butt boxing.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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