At least make sure they are 18
Why
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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