dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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