i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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