mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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