my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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