omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
