Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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