Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
