bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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