Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize