The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
