my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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