so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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