In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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