Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
