hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
