I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
