jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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