I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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