why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
