Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
