I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
