Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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