My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
