just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
