wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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