I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
