So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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