My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
