Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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