Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
