remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
