My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You took a bar mat shot.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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