When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
