Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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