i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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