end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
