he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
