I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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