Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I need a burrito and a hug.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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