What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
