You can't motorboat a personality
i just google imaged poop.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
