Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
