Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
