two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
