Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
