My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
