Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize