i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
