All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
