i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
