Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
