I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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