Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize