Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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