I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
