You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
