i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
