If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
