just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
All the doctor said was why
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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