christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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