she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
