Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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