Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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