wat bout pragnant strippers??
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
