Need sex. Gaining weight.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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