You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
