I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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