I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
