How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
